Gather ‘round, folks with functioning brain cells. We’re tackling a question so ludicrous it could only sprout in the fever swamp of 2025: Can an apple cure Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS)?
We’re not talking about a casual dislike of the guy with the golden hair and louder mouth. TDS is the full-on, spittle-flying obsession that turns normal people into X-posting lunatics over a single “tremendous.” If you’ve got common sense—and bless your sensible soul—buckle up for a laugh at this fruit-based farce.
TDS 101: The Madness Defined
TDS isn’t some flu you catch from a Trump rally handshake. It’s a mental meltdown where the mere sight of that squinting, pointing ex-prez sends folks into a tailspin of “fascist!” screams and soy latte spills. Imagine Karen losing it because Trump’s eating an apple on TV—ironic, right?
Common sense sees him as a loudmouth who loves attention. TDS sees him as the Antichrist in a red tie. Either way, it’s a riot to watch from the cheap seats.
The Apple Theory: Granny Smith to the Rescue?
Enter the latest cure buzzing on X: “An apple a day keeps the TDS away.” Some kale-munching guru claims a crisp Fuji can snap TDSers out of their Trump-fueled rage—like fruit’s a magic wand for the deranged. Picture Karen, mid-tirade about “covfefe,” being handed a Honeycrisp and told, “Bite this, it’ll fix you.”
It’s so dumb it’s almost brilliant. Common sense snickers—apples might prevent scurvy, but curing a vendetta against a golfing billionaire? Good luck with that.
The Science: Crunching Numbers and Nonsense
Science says apples have fiber, vitamins, and a satisfying crunch—great for your gut, less so for your Trump obsession. Could pectin calm a brain that sees Putin in every Trump tweet? No studies exist, because no sane researcher wants to touch this with a ten-foot pole.
Common sense knows TDS isn’t a nutrient deficiency. It’s a choice to stay mad at a guy who’d rather hawk steaks than steal your soul. An apple’s no match for that level of commitment.
Field Test: Karen vs. The Orchard
Let’s run the experiment: Karen grabs a Granny Smith, still fuming about Trump’s latest gold sneaker drop. She takes a bite—crunch!—and for a split second, the birds chirping drown out her “HE’S HITLER!” mantra. Then she sees a worm in the core and screams, “Trump planted this!”—test failed.
Common sense predicted this. TDSers don’t pause for fruit; they’d rather choke on outrage than chew on reason. The apple’s just a prop in their one-woman show.
Fruit vs. Fury: A Losing Battle
Apples are wholesome—nature’s candy, a teacher’s pet gift. But TDS turns every bite into a conspiracy: “This apple’s too orange—TRUMP SABOTAGED IT!” A peaceful snack becomes a battlefield, and the fruit never stood a chance.
Common sense laughs at the mismatch. Trump’s a lightning rod, sure, but TDSers are the ones plugging themselves in. No gala or golden delicious can unplug that mess.
The X Factor: Tweets Trump Apples
X is TDS central, where blue checks rage-tweet about Trump’s every move—apple or no apple. Karen’s chomping her cure, but one scroll past “Trump’s selling NFT orchards!” and she’s spitting seeds in fury. The fruit’s powerless against a screen full of outrage bait.
Common sense knows the real fix is logging off. But TDSers live for the digital dopamine hit of hating him. An apple can’t compete with that addiction.
The Pundit Push: “Eat Your Way to Sanity!”
TV talking heads are all in, peddling apples like they’re the new Paxil. “America, grab a Pink Lady and let go of the Trump trauma!” they beam, ignoring that TDS fuels their ratings. Common sense smirks—they’d rather keep the chaos than cure it.
These clowns thrive on the deranged, not the rational. An apple a day might keep the doctor away, but it won’t stop the circus. They’re counting on that.
The Backfire Risk: More Fuel for the Fire
What if apples make it worse? Karen’s munching away when she spots a “Trump Farms” sticker on her fruit—boom, she’s off about “big apple fascism.” Now she’s boycotting orchards and writing manifestos in cider vinegar.
Common sense saw this coming. TDS twists everything into a Trump plot—even a snack. The cure’s a grenade, and they’re pulling the pin.
The Common Sense Verdict: Fruit’s a Flop
Let’s be real—an apple a day keeps the dentist happy, not the TDS away. It’s like treating a tsunami with a paper towel—cute, but pointless. Trump’s a walking cartoon, but TDSers are the ones drawing the explosion.
Common sense says the fix is simple: he’s one guy, not the end of days. An apple might chill you out if you’re normal. For the afflicted, it’s just ammo for the next meltdown.
The Cultural Comedy: A Barrel of Apples
TDS has turned us into a sitcom, and apples are the latest gag. “Nation Heals Trump Hate with Fruit!” the headlines blare, as if a bushel could undo years of “RUSSIA!” chants. Common sense grabs popcorn—this is peak absurdity.
Protests now feature “Apple Against Trump” marches—ironic and deliciously dumb. It’s performance art for the ages. Only the sane get the punchline.
The Final Bite: Save Your Apples
So, does an apple a day make TDS go away? Nope—it’s too entrenched, too hilarious, too self-inflicted. Common sense knew it was a long shot; the rest are just crunching their way to nowhere.
Trump’s a character—love him or loathe him—but TDSers are the real stars of this farce. Save your apples for pie and let the deranged stew. I’m off to eat one anyway—sanity tastes better.
